Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

Isn’t it an irony when I am the one who keep on telling you that human are evil creatures and yet I still cried when they did me wrong? Isn’t it a stupid assumption to keep on telling myself that they cant hurt me no more because I am prepared, I had observed and I had anticipated the moment of pain to come?

The reality is an evil deed still can strike you from nowhere, leaving you wondering why they hurt you in such this cruel way and why at the first place you trusted them, you befriended them. Why you had somehow allowed them to enter your life and thus gave them a chance to hurt?

If you ask me, I think that human should come in labels. It will make life easier. Those who will stick with you till the rest of your time eventhough how many times you screwed your life and theirs, those who seems to forget you but then still ring you up to wish you birthdays, those who think that they know you but actually they dont, those who are beside you when you are on your peak and ignore you when you slipped and fall to the bottom. And the worst of all, those who pretend to be your friends who made you bought their lies into believing that they are your friends when eventually they are just waiting for the right time to knock you down to gain satisfaction from seeing you crumble into pieces.

It hurts, you know. You think you knew them, you have had good intentions, but then sadly, they eventually dont feel the same way about you.

It is a mixture of betrayal, anger, confused, hurt and a lot of other unexplainable emotions. There will be a lot of  “why?” and a lot of “how could you?”. Not to mention a lot of “I thought we are friends.”

Friends.

I dont know how you define it. Maybe mine will be different from yours. But I guess all of us will arrive to a more or less the same conclusion. A person or a bunch of people who you trust, who you care, who you confide with and who you expect to do the same thing to you.

But then again, some dont understand the meaning of friends. Some dont value friendship they way I valued it. And some are just, well, plain mean. Evil devil in disguise.

And because of these, we will be hurt in ways we had never imagined before. After all, unexpected things are things that happened to you when you least expected them. Who will expect a person who you had loved can bear you so much pain?

However I do believe that pain is one of the essential elements to grow up. Your eyes need to rain in order to see the world clearly. These unpleasant experiences will help guide us to make the right choices, to trust the right person, because we will do anything to avoid from getting hurt again.

Being hurt is plain painful.

Pain.

Now, that is a word that I can’t define. Honestly I cant find a word to describe the exactly feeling I had felt.

Maybe all that I can say is, “Hey you, goodbye.”

” I never want to see you unhappy. I thought you want the same for me.” Almost Lover – A Fine Frenzy.

If Forever Exists.

Blue Creatures.

Update :

I watched Avatar last Saturday.

It was awesome.

The detailed animation was impressive. Not to mention I watched the 3D version.

Thanks to Mr. Boyfriend for a wonderful date.

Revision efficiency.

Although I am taking Masters in Property Investment, I can assure you that I
dont lead a student’s life. My days are currently filled with watching
movies on the laptop, reading a novel (A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon -
since I only brought one novel with me here), wondering should I have my
lunch or dinner, taking a short nap, taking a long nap, sleeping, listening
to Cry Me Out by Pixie Lott non-stop, wondering what time should I get up in
the morning (or noon), staring at the ceiling, drawing faces on the wall
(dont tell my ladylord, I’ll erase them later), oh oh doing my laundries,
logging into Facebook, stalking people and a couple of other meaningless
activities.

It is not that I dont want to do my revision or something like that, it is
just that I am always not in the mood to study, you know. So when suddenly I
have this urge, this mood to study, you bet I am so surprised, I almost
texted everyone telling them, finally the time has come. So, tadaa!

Reading : Urban Land Economics by Jack Harvey
Location : Living Room
Chapter 1 : Economic Efficiency through the Price System

Starts : 1.07 am
Ends : 1.32 am

Output : Page 1

so,…

But but, at least I tried, right?

right?

Am not that narrow minded.

Adnan Sempit was surprisingly funny. Not in a ‘Zombi Kampung Pisang’ funny, mind you. Surprisingly I enjoyed the movie.

Why, you may ask?

Okay, let me explained.

So, when boyfriend asked me to check the movies showtimes on the net, I always always have this urge to read the reviews of the movies before choosing which movie to watch. I want to make sure that I spent my RM11 for a good quality movie. And I dont see a problem with that (phl tba2 rasa defensive?)

My choices were eventually Legion, Tooth Fairy and The Spy Next Door. Notice that Adnan Sempit was not in the list. And after reading all the reviews, I found out that all my three choices of movies were badly reviewed.

And oh in case you are wondering which movies were highly recommended and got a huge amount of best reviews, they were Avatar, The Blind Side and Up in The Air.

Note to self : must watch. And yes, I havent watch Avatar

And because I cant make my mind which movie to watch, boyfriend suggested Adnan Sempit as one of his colleagues recommended the movie. And off we went to watch Adnan Sempit.

End of story.

I have 4 points to conclude though.

1. I will always read movie reviews before deciding which movie to watch. Heck i even read them whenever I am bored.

2. Although I read movie reviews, please note that I dont plan to write one. It might contain spoilers and I know some of you dont like it. (I dont mind though)

3. And because of that, I wont write a review on Adnan Sempit. Just go and watch it. It worth your money, trust me. It shows a new dimension of Malay comedy movie, far better than the norm of stupid spactic jokes.

4. I also notice the fact that our opinion might differ. So if you dont agree with me, I am sorry to inform that I wont be paying back your money if you are not satisfied with the movie. You are allowed to show your anger in this blog of mine though.

Or maybe you should start reading movie reviews too.

007 is not the only Bond.

I was doing some research on the (ehem) investment terms which were used repeatly in classes. I understand a bit of these investment terms such as the shares, stocks, etc etc. Bonds, i heard a lot of it but shamely I think i am still in the grey. I mean, i dont quite understand how it works. Heck i dont really know the definition.

So being a good student as I am supposed to be, I checked for the definition.

So (ehem) now I can definitely give you the definition of bonds even with my mouth gagged.

In my own words (ehem) : Bonds  involved two parties, the issuer and the holder. Issuers are those who issued bonds to the holders, as in an agreement that the issuers (the borrowers) will borrow some huge amount of money from the holders and the issuers is obliged to repay the interest (ehem! also known as the coupon) and the principal (the amount of money being borrowed) at a later date (ehem! also known as the maturity). Bonds usually are being issued to provide the issuers/borrowers the funds to invest in long term investment. As for the government, bonds are issued to borrow money from holders, to finance current expenditure.

In a simple explaination, bonds are loans.

Whatever.

Still preferring this Bond much much more.

Amaran : Jangan baca post ini semasa (ehem) bulan puasa. Kurang pahala.

Of Growing Up and Giving In.

I can lay awake in the middle of the night, thinking about all sort of stuffs and dreaming of all sort of stuffs. I really need to understand that nights are for sleeping and not the other way around. Waking up in the daylight feeling tired is not a reason to doze off during the day.

People used to say that as you grow old, you need to grow up. Though growing up is an option, but you have to, regardless what age you are now. I know it is hard when all along the time of your living, things are prepared for you, decisions are made for you. It is difficult when the reality hits you hard on the head, that somehow you have to stand alone for your decisions, you have to face the consequences.

I tried. Trust me, I do tried.

But then, due to the excitement of the idea of being a grown up, I forgot that there are externalities that affect my life. Parents are the major externality that can affect your life tremendously. And some decisions and plans I made have to be changed to fit my parents’ plans. Some actions I made have to be regretted to satisfy someone else feelings.

Not fair, you think?

I have long accept that life is unfair. Life is unkind. So when people said that I am being too kind when I have to find a new place to rent at the last minute because the stupid landlord started applying stupid conditions, yes, I agree. I am being kind. What do you expect me to do? Burn the house?

The best thing I can is to call her the stupid landlord in this blog of mine despite the fact I haven’t met her yet.

Human are evil creatures and for this obvious reason, I restrained myself from trusting people. I trust only a little percentage of these so-called human. Being mad at mean people consume too much energy. Though I do it sometimes, I learnt to move on. I let go despite maybe I consume more time than other people do.

Don’t be fooled though. Though it may look like I give in a lot, I am not.

I like love winning. In everything.

But I am learning.

When I give in, when I can say that “Yes. I am sorry. I am wrong.”, I hope I can still smile. I can still feel proud about myself.

Because it is a victory when you are able to change into a better person.

In the end, I still win.

Wonderful Surprise.

I got the KPT’s Mini Budget.

Which means Ayah dont have to pay for my tuition fees.

For making our life easier,

Thank you Najib!

I Had Enough!

Life is too complicated.

How I wish I was never been born.

A Child in Me.

3 days past from the day I left Kuching. And still in Shah Alam mind you.

In 3 days, I now know the difficulties of finding a house to rent.

In 3 days, although I have established that human are evil since ages ago, I now learnt that a house owner can be the most evil.

In 3 days, I moved into 2 houses. Currently in house number 2. No more moving out, i hope.

In 3 days, my mom knew more people than i do. Thanks to her over-friendly attitude which I find very useful where connections and new friends are needed.

In 3 days, I listened to my mom’s naggings advices about almost  everything.

In 3 days, my mom helped me through.

And the last day of the 3 days, my mom went back to Kuching.

Leaving me feeling alone in the world of strangers.

And it made me felt silly for acting like a child who misses her mom and home already